Where Have All the Men Gone?

Lately, I have been saddened by the lack of young men who are not afraid of responsibility or being faithful to honor their commitments...or even make a commitment. Guess what, ladies? It's largely our own fault. Even if you're not a femi-nazi out to conquer the world, you may have unconsciously had a hand in the disappearance of the true man. Here are a few things we ladies may need to consider taking on:

Stop enabling them! If a guy asks you to "hang-out" or says he will call you and then never contacts you about when & where; don't call, text, message, or contact him in anyway. This only encourages an avoidance of responsibility.

If a young man who proposes to you still lives at home, think twice about accepting him. Before a young man marries, in the best of all worlds, he needs to have proved that he can provide for you.

Stop man shopping. Proverbs 31 says "he who finds a wife" not "she who finds a husband." Do you really want a man you had to chase down? Young women pursuing young men encourages a passive male role in the relationship.

Stop the excessive flirting. Again, this puts you as the pursuer.

Dress modestly!!!! If you dress like a street walker, you're going to be treated like a street walker. If you dress for respect, you're more likely to receive respect. If you dress feminine, you are more likely to be treated as a lady.

Give guys a chance. Pause for a brief moment before opening a door; give him the chance to open it for you. Stand by your chair momentarily before being seated; allow him the opportunity to pull it out for you. This can be applied to SO many things.

Stop man bashing!!!! This is so unbecoming and no one really benefits from it.

Stop competing with men...even in conversation. No one likes to be "one up-ed" particularly in a group setting.

When you see a young man behaving like a man, praise or thank him! Positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Seek to serve your father, your brothers, and brothers in Christ in a way that honors and pleases God.

Be respectable in your behavior, without crude jesting. Be worthy of a man by being a godly woman.

The More Worrisome Pandemic

While a lot attention is being paid to pandemics of the flu, I find myself more focused on the pandemic of kidultism. Adults behaving and dressing like adolescents is not new to this current generation; indeed, over twenty years ago I had difficulty fitting in with my college aged peers because I found them to be immature, living off their parents money while whining about wanting to be treated like adults, and with no clue as to what direction they wanted their lives to take. These characteristics of the kidult still exist today, but the disease is more widespread and reaches even retiree age. Not many of us can claim immunity to this illness. Even I have fallen prey to some of its symptoms at times. It's something I find myself struggling with a lot. But why does the typical American find it desirous to dress intentionally inappropriately, shirk responsibility and mooch off his fellow man? This is not something I'm going to answer right now because I'm still mulling it over, but I am very much interested in any thoughts or insights you might have. Please feel free to rant. ;)

Fathers

Written by Mrs. Calla Lilly at age 8

Fathers are very great! If we didn't have fathers or men, who would lift the heavy things & drive eighteen wheelers? If we didn't have fathers, who would protect us? No one would be there to pay the bills or drive the tractor. No one could build homes or bridges. We wouldn't have roads or cars as we do today. If it weren't for fathers, we would be dead. If it weren't for fathers, I would not have my heavenly Father. Praise the Lord for fathers! Thanks, Dad!

Below are some purposefully blurred photos of my father.

Pretty is - is Pretty Does

I often listen to my daughter's conversation with friends (yes, they know I'm listening) and very often, the conversation will eventually come round to the topic of where all the "real" men have gone. Lately, I have been wondering where the ladies have gone as well. While we probably aren't groomed like the girl in the photo here, what about our behavior? Are we as abrasive or loud as this girl's hair? Or, do we have a gentle and quiet spirit? It is not enough to be delicate on the outside; we must be delicate on the inside as well. This does not mean we are weak. Trust me, real women have great strength of character, but that strength is in the Lord - not in the toughness of the world. The next time someone cuts you off in traffic or treats you unfairly, remember this photo and ask yourself if your response mimics this girl's hair or imitates the character of Christ. 

Hope Springs Eternal


Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5: 1-5

As I witness my father’s sluggish passing from the harsh Winter of his sufferings into the newness of Spring’s hope of glory, I find myself longing for the dawn that lies on the other side of this dark night’s watch. For many months now, my father has been in the dark and cold winter season of life. Winter is now drawing to a close for him, but this last leg of his journey is one that, to outside viewers, seems to be solitary and lonely. As Christians and fellow sojourners in this life, we know this is not so. Even as my father gives the impression of no longer being lucid and stares blankly at nothing, I believe he is simply beginning his passage into the Spring of eternity with Christ. This is not a crossing that he makes alone. If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! Psalm 139:8……He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

What a glorious Spring awaits my father on the other side, to be free from the bondage of sin and its effects on our frail human bodies, to truly know and be in the presence of the glory of the Lord, to have his hope realized. How truly beautiful our Lord must be! And what joy will be his as he will finally be able to worship in spirit and in truth! This is what we long for, to finally be able to fulfill our chief end: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. For the common man, Winter is end of his journey, but for those who love the Lord hope springs eternal.

Dealing With Loss at Christmas

Right now, I am tired of being an adult, especially as my father is in his final days of cancer. My dad was always a formidable man, someone to stand in fear and awe of. This is no longer true, and it scares even him. We had fun for five years saying that he was just "too stubborn to die" or that he was like a cockroach because you just couldn't kill him. Reality has now come quickly, and it has chosen a Christmas visit. My father was always good at catching me off my guard and finding that my room was not clean or my chores were not done, and now he has caught me off my guard again. I was not ready. I wonder, when Jesus comes, will I be truly ready for Him? Will I be one of the wise virgins with oil in my lamp, or will the cares of this temporal world consume my time and life? Are you ready? 

Yesteryear

This past weekend my in-laws gave a slide show of old family photos. Most of the snaps were of my husband as an infant and a child, but there were also pictures of church picnics and holidays. What I love most about these old slides is seeing how beautifully everyone dressed. All the women wore neatly pressed dresses, sometimes with gloves and hats. Everyone had neatly and attractively arranged hair. The men always had their shirts tucked in, and there were no baggy pants and slouchy t-shirts. Life was different then. People dressed modestly and with dignity because their hearts and lives were modest and dignified.

News That Should Raise a Few Eyebrows

 


Spanish men who refuse to lift a finger around the house are facing new legal sanctions.

By Katya Adler
BBC News, Madrid

MPs in Spain have drawn up a marriage contract for use in civil ceremonies which obliges men to share household chores and the care of children and elderly family members.

The new law, which will be introduced this summer in Spain, promises a revolution in a country where nearly half of all men admit to doing no housework at all.

Puffing and panting and swearing under his breath, 36-year-old Santi Risco tries to put up an ironing board. He doesn't have much success and it's a pretty painful sight watching a previously undomesticated Spanish male trying hard to change with the times.

"Spanish law is changing so men have to do 50% of the housework," Santi tells me, rather red-faced. "I am getting married this autumn so I am learning things I've never done before: ironing, cleaning floors and doing the washing up.

"It's not that I'm a macho man. It's just that I've never been taught these things before."

Upbringing

Santi's trying to make up for lost time. He gives up on the ironing board and heads for the bathroom, ready to clean the mirrors. He is a man with a mission. The contract he will sign at his civil wedding ceremony this September will oblige him - by law - to share domestic responsibilities with his partner.

Failure to do so will affect the terms of a divorce settlement, should he ever find himself in that position. But even as Santi cleans up his act, Aintzane, his wife-to-be, says she remains skeptical about the new law.

"It's good that Santi is beginning to do things in the house. Well, he has to. I told him about the consequences if he doesn't. But it's not just men. Women in Spain are also part of the problem.

"Our mothers tell us to do the housework when we are little girls. So when we go to a relationship we do the housework."

So can this "housework law" as it has been dubbed here really change Spanish cultural traditions? Statistics show that Spanish women spend up to five times longer on housework than their husbands.

If they have a full-time job, they still do three times more housework.

A study five years ago by the Centre for Sociological Investigation concluded that Spanish fathers spent an average of 13 minutes a day looking after their children. And only 19% of Spanish men thought it was right for mothers of school age children to have a full-time job.


Margarita Uria is the MP who set up the new law.

"It's all a question of education", she says. "Starting with this law, but we should also teach children in schools. Men have to learn to start taking more responsibility in the home and women have to help them do it. This is beginning to change. After all, the Spanish parliament was unanimous in approving this law."

skeptics

At a nearby Madrid bar though, the view shared over a few draughts of beer was that there was little chance of change, law or no law.

"Older generations will never change. Old Spanish machos are set in their ways," says Maria, a shopkeeper. "The younger generations probably will change eventually but because society is evolving, not because of this law."

"My husband wouldn't iron a shirt to save his life," says Berta, who described herself as an exasperated housewife. "It's not that he can't. It's just that he won't. He'll never change."

Eduardo, a waiter at the bar, says he thinks the law "is ridiculous".

"It's up to couples to work out the balance of relationships for themselves," he says. "This law gives the impression that all Spanish men are machos, which we're not."

"I already cook at home," says banker Miguel. "I also pick up the kids from school."

"Liar!" his wife interjects. "Yes I do," insists Miguel. "There was that time when you had to go to work early and took the children to school..." The couple dissolve in to laughter.

Iron will

"I don't like the new law at all," says Patricia, a schoolteacher. "I love macho men. They are more masculine and I don't care about doing some housework."

A number of women's rights groups in Spain say they oppose the housework law because it belittles the issue of sexual equality, making it laughable.
Almudena Rodriguez del Llano, a spokeswoman for the group Women for Democracy says: "This law is ridiculous and impossible to enforce.

"What is a woman going to do if her husband doesn't help her at home? March to the local police station and report him? You can just imagine the expression on the faces of the officers on duty, can't you?"

But while the law has been criticized by some, it has inspired others. The Barcelona-based inventor, Pep Torres, has designed a washing machine called Your Turn. It uses fingerprint technology so that it is impossible for the same person to use it twice in a row.

The idea, he says, is that men will be forced to share washing duties with their partner. And Pep has not stopped there.

He has also come up with a cunning idea to persuade even the most macho of men to do the ironing - heavy weights hanging down from the iron. Every time you sweep the iron across the board, you build some fabulous muscle!

"Basically my aim was to stop macho men sitting around the house doing nothing except drinking beers," says Pep.

One man who has already put down his beer and put on an apron is Santi. Hard at work at the kitchen sink and with Aintzane keeping a watchful eye, I found him practicing his new marriage vows: To love, to cherish and to do the washing-up.

If you carried this legislation to its logical conclusion, women would then be forced into the work place to balance the earning capabilities in marriages. While it should not be beneath a man to lend a hand in domestic areas when necessary or to know how the home functions, it should not be forced upon him to do so. Equal rights, my eye! I do not want anyone else in my kitchen; it is my realm of rule. :)

True Love

 


What would you say if a man said he loved his wife simply because she cooks and cleans for him? Would you say that man truly loved his wife? Most people would say, "no." Why then, do people say that they love Jesus or God but claim they do not need to know Him more fully? How can you genuinely love someone of whom you know nothing of their character? Simply stated, you cannot. So the next time you find yourself or an acquaintance saying they do not need theology or doctrine to love Jesus, search out your heart to see if there is any truth to that statement. God would not have us be ignorant. Come to know Him better and have a real genuine relationship with God.

Commitment

In the years following World War II, thousands of couples ran off to get married. For many of them, the place they ran off to was Piggott.
Between 1945 and 1953 more than 28,000 couples were married in this Northeast Arkansas town, which even today has a population of only 3,700 residents. In 1950 alone, the number of marriages totaled 5,960.

Like other states after World War II, Arkansas had a three-day waiting rule for issuing marriage licenses. But unlike many other states, Arkansas also had a clause that allowed the county judge to waive the waiting period under special circumstances or emergencies.

In Clay County, Arkansas, the county judge at that time took the position that any wedding was a special circumstance, and couples flocked across the Arkansas state line into Piggott by the droves. Couples lined the hallways of the old two-story brick courthouse and spilled out the front doors and down the sidewalk, waiting for their turn for a quick wedding in the county clerk’s vault.

A pastime for Piggott residents became watching the couples lined up around the courthouse square, some in wedding finery, others ranging from work clothes to Sunday best. Some bought their wedding clothes after they arrived in Piggott, changing in the recesses of the courthouse. A florist on the square sold bouquets and boutonnieres to those waiting in line.

The above is a photo of the old courthouse where my parents ran off to get married 55 years ago. Tomorrow they are traveling back to Piggott for a special reception for those who were married at the court house.

In today's disposable society, it is rare to have a marriage that lasts that long. People may ask how my parents or my husband's parents (married 60 years) stayed together so long. The answer lies in a commitment to God and taking one's vows seriously.

Yes, our parents truly love each other, but anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows that sometimes feelings get hurt, tempers flair, and fleeting thoughts of a way out slip into our emotionally charged minds. It is, therefore, crucial that we teach our children to be true to their word and keep promises made - that means we must keep our promises to them. :) Our word should be our bond. Jesus said that we should let our "yes" mean yes and our "no" mean no. Vows and promises are something God takes seriously, and so should we.

How long have I been married? 18 short and happy years. :)