Only Wait

In the early 80's I spent some time away at school (we won't say where) and I suffered with a lot of anxiety and depression, not because of being away from home per say, but because of the difficult circumstances in which I found myself.  To help me cope with my situation, I journaled a lot.  Most of my writings have been trashed through the years, but my mother saved a few pieces.  I'm sure I must have scared my mother to death at times, but almost as soon as I would begin writing, I would begin to heal and grow.  I post some of these writings here because perhaps there are those who are in despair or feel at their lowest, and I want them to know that it is possible to make it to the other side.  These present hard times are not permanent.  They are only for a season.  Keep in mind, these were not meant to be poetic or grammatically correct.  These writings were never intended for other eyes.  If my writings are too difficult to read at this juncture in your life, please, please skip down to the last one. 

It's been a long time, hasn't it?  I wonder if I've really progressed any.  Only you Lord, only You.  Only You can heal this aching heart of mine.  Only You can fill me with Your love sublime.  It's just You and me, Lord, just You and me.  It's just me and You in this private battle, Lord.  It's just me and You through all the hassles, Lord.  Thank You, Lord; You're all I need.  Only You, Lord.  Only You.

~

God's sustaining grace.  Sometimes His grace is the only thing that keeps me going.  Failures and set backs come, but still I continue to trudge along with a song in my heart.  God helps me to laugh at my failures (and boy, do I have plenty to laugh at).  I pick up the broken pieces of my heart and go on.  Christ causes me to ALWAYS be victorious, even in my failures.  People thought Christ was a failure.  Here was a man who said He was almighty God and yet, he was hung on a cross and died.  What men thought was His greatest failure was in reality, His greatest victory.  God doesn't want the wise, because it is in their own eyes that they are wise.  God exalts the simple, the foolish, those who remember that they are nothing more than dust.  I praise God in my failures and that I can recognize them.  Because in my weaknesses God can use me and cause me to triumph.  I will give Him the glory for those triumphs because I KNOW that those victories were not won through my own strengths.


~

Is anyone there, Lord?  Is anyone there?  I reach out for friends, but no one seems to care.  No one needs me, Lord.  No one needs ME.  I want to give of myself, but everyone seems too busy.  I'm not too busy, Lord  I'm not too busty.  Whatever You want, Lord.  Use me.


~

Oh God, is there no one but You, no one to tell my problems to?  Doesn't anyone hear, are You still so very near?  So many hard places to go through; why must I always continue?  Oh God, I just want to stop; I want the whole world to stop.  Why don't they leave me alone, God; why must I always stand alone, God?  I need someone to hold me up; I just can't seem to keep it up.  Please Lord, let it all stop.


~

Doesn't anyone really care about me, Lord?  Doesn't anyone really care?  No one really listens.  No one has time.  Why do people tease me so?  Don't they know I hurt so?  No one sees my private tears.  No one knows my secret fears.  Why can't they see it, Lord?  Why can't they see it?  You know my heart, Lord.  You alone know my heart.  I shouldn't have to ask them.  I shouldn't have to ask.  I need to be loved so badly, Lord.  All I want is a hug.  Why does life hurt so much?  Why does it have to hurt?  Do people hurt others because they hurt?  Lord, don't let me hurt others; I know all too well how it feels.


~

The beginning of another overwhelming week:  where does it all end?  Such demands people make on my life.  I feel like I'm in Vespers and I hear an unending choral chant of the word "time."  Time.  Why is time so important?  People constantly rush about meeting deadlines, keeping appointments, and trying desperately to make the grade.  What is the point of life if we don't have time to live it?  Life is passing us by.  It is the "modern" man that is primitive in that his day to day life has become a mere ritual of rush.  People no longer ruminate and think out that which they are to do; they merely act out their lives as programmed beings. We are free moral agents (okay...so I wasn't reformed at that point lol) or are we?  Other people run our lives for us.  Why is this cycle so seemingly unbreakable?  Enough:  This isn't getting me anywhere.  I must learn to say "no" to some things.  But why is it always my social life that goes first?


~

When I cannot understand my Father's leading, and it seems to be but hard and cruel fate, still I hear the gentle whisper ever pleading.  God is working; God is faithful, only wait.  There's my answer!

Suffer the Little Children

This past week, I discovered that I had become a cranky old person.  Oh, I always knew that I had a cranky side, but I didn't realize the depths of my sourness.  Let me explain.  You see, I have always hated it when the prelude music is playing at church (particularly when vocals are included) and people in the congregation are talking and visiting, rather than preparing their hearts for worship through quiet meditation.  I have, likewise, hated it when an individual or choir has finished a piece of music during the worship service and people clapped as if the performance was for them rather than worship offered up to God.  Mind you, I still feel that just prior to the worship service is not the time to be discussing yesterday's "great" game or what we think is going to happen on Downton Abbey tonight; nor do I feel that it appropriate to applaud worship music.  I have changed my attitude towards the people however.  

It all changed when I was watching a special on Christmas celebrations of Europe.  At one point during the program, I saw a congregation and then the Pope appeared.  My first thought was, "Boy, I bet those Catholics show respect and don't muck up the worship service."  Wrong!  People randomly began to stand and take photos and videos DURING THE WORSHIP service.  I didn't even allow photos during my wedding because it was a sacred event.  I thought, "Man, I bet the Pope won't stand for that!" Wrong!  The Pope was not flustered and not a single Cardinal or Bishop batted an eyelash.  What?!  What I did see, with new eyes, was the Pope seeing the neediness and the pain of the people.  He blessed them.  He suffered the spiritual children to come to him.  He did it without dumbing down the service or stooping to their level.  He loved them and blessed them.

And so, I need to be more patient and see more the pain and neediness of people.  Not just in church, but everywhere.

Matthew 19:14English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁴ but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

More Than Happiness

Very often I hear parents say that they just want their children to be happy.  I am not one of those people.  Don't get me wrong; being happy can be a great thing, but it's not what I want most for our daughter.  I just want our daughter to be doing whatever God calls her to do.  This will in turn lead to a greater happiness, but it is NOT to be our primary goal.  Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, not to glorify ourselves.  The notion that happiness is or should be our goal is faulty because with happiness as the goal for our children, more often than not, there is a great deal of unhappiness because we have over protected and spoiled them leading to dissatisfaction and boredom because that kind of happiness is transient.  This worship of our children's happiness has greatly contributed to a nation of self-entitled "kidults" who cannot support themselves or contribute anything of significance to their community.  It seems as those adults are currently an endangered species.  Oh, there are adults out there, but they are increasingly not the norm. Oddly enough, those adults who are happiest are those who work the hardest.  This subject is something I hope to explore in depth in the future.

Oompa Loompas and Tour Guide Barbie

We women are odd creatures.  I say this because we seem to sometimes feel the need to reinvent ourselves into something we are not.  This is most often evident during times of stress, life changes or even a sudden realization that we have aged before we feel ready.  How many times have you seen a woman who is approaching an age milestone, particularly 40 or 50, suddenly start coloring their hair, dressing too young,  trying Botox or visiting a tanning bed?  These changes wouldn't be so bad if tanning beds didn't render us as orange as an Oompa Loompas and the Botox didn't cause us to permanently have vacant Tour Guide Barbie expressions on our faces.  But even younger women fall prey to this inner need to shake up their image, more often than not by either dressing inappropriately for their age or just plain inappropriately by over-sexualizing themselves. 

The flip side to these transformations is that there are those who seem to get locked into a certain style or look and never seem to be able to escape no matter what their age and are clinging to something temporal, making them look equally ridiculous.  Imagine if my husband, at his present age of 58, had fallen victim to this trap and was  still sporting a fringed leather jacket and bell bottom jeans!  How ridiculous that would look!  And yet, we are often guilty of the same things and the only ones fooled are ourselves. 

Since we are often unaware that we ourselves are guilty of the same things that we laugh at in others, how can we combat this?  I could point you to some fun and educational propaganda films from the 1940's and 1950's or give you a list of hard and fast rules, but I would not bind the heart where Scripture does not.  Instead I point us toward Scripture. :

   ³ Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  I Peter 3:3-4

 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

When we look in the mirror, what do we see?    Are we dressed respectably, with modesty and self-control or are we focused on extravagance?  Do we even think about these verses when we are updating our wardrobes or image?  Refocus your heart on developing a gentle and quiet spirit and you will be developing a timeless beauty that is always age and life station appropriate.  Be who God has called you to be and not some image that Hollywood or Madison Avenue advertising says we should be.  Embrace where God has you in life and find your security in Him alone during turbulent times of your life.  Does that mean you shouldn't buy that new handbag or get your hair cut?  That's not for me to say.  What I am saying is we each need to evaluate where we are in our present life and ask ourselves whose image do we desire to reflect and does what we're wearing  or how we're behaving properly represent that?  For some of us, this is something we need to re-evaluate often because it is all too easy to be sucked in to the world's ideal of what we should look like because we are bombarded with it night and day.  It may difficult for us to discern when we've over stepped our bounds.  We may be tempted to ask our friends the stereo-typical, "does this make me look fat?"  Instead, we should probably choose someone whose character we admire and ask them, do I look appropriate?  Am I presenting myself in a way that honors God? If we have developed that gentle and quiet spirit, we will be receptive to God's leading in this. Sola dei Gloria!

In Like a Lion....

Well, I finally have time and quiet in order to compose my thoughts, but my thoughts are defiant little ones today.  I have been that way all weekend, not because of work stresses but because of IT.  It has arrived again.  Every year starting mid-February and lasting until April, my allergies kick in and I am ill with not only sinus congestion and an increase in asthma, but also with crazy dreams, restless nights and a brain of full of thoughts that just can't seem to organize themselves into anything resembling  coherence.  If you see me staring off into space, it would probably be best to just quietly tip toe by.  There is no "snapping out of it" until at least April.  I was so grateful when I discovered this pattern, because it used to frighten me when it came round.  About 12 years ago I was going through some old journals when I noticed the same symptoms at the same time of year, so I turned to that time of year in all my old journals and found the same pattern.  At least now I can relax and let it simply be and tweak my supplement and food consumption accordingly.  I do have lots I want to say and can mentally write books in the wee hours of the night, but when I awake, those blogs are forever lost in a mental fog with a twinge of crankiness.  So, I don't write sometimes because I don't want the cranky person....Gentleness is my aspiration, and so, I hold my tongue....for now ;)

I Gave at the Office

This morning I awoke with feelings of sheer panic and all of my emotions were centered on my job.  Since this is not normal for me, I spent some time reflecting on the current position in which I find myself.  I have, once again, slipped into savior mode at work and let my obsessiveness reign.  I'm not saying that things shouldn't be done correctly, etc.  I believe in all things we should strive to perform our duties in a way that brings glory to God, but I'm getting off topic.  Let me start at the beginning of our marriage....

When my husband and I were married in 1987 (you do the math), we discussed whether or not I would work outside the home.  I knew in my heart that I could only do well one thing at a time, and we decided that one thing would be home & family.  I don't need to tell you how the economy has changed or how my husband's income has not kept pace with economy, because most of us have felt it sharply.  When our daughter was nearing college age, I went to work to help out my exhausted husband.  At first it was just two days a week, and I could easily juggle that.  Over time, my hours kept increasing, as did my responsibility level at work.  Now, I find myself only doing one thing well and that one thing is work.  My home & family have suffered much (as well as my health and nerves).  That's not right!  For me it is sin.  My family and home needs to come before my job. 

Am I quitting? No, my husband still needs me to help him and our daughter has a year and  a half of school left.  What needs to change is my attitude.  I need to go back to taking my breaks, leaving on time, and not answering texts and phone calls from co-workers when I am off work except in emergencies.  We just finished the first week of January in pharmacy which is typically the busiest week of the year; it did not disappoint.  Now, I'm starting this week having to cut three hours out of the next three days to keep from getting in trouble with upper management....and thus, starts my panic.  At the end of the day though, I must remind myself that my duty is to be faithful to my job in the allotted time given me (this applies to all areas of life).  My duty is not to get it all done or be anyone's savior.  Ultimately, that is not where my responsibility lies.  I'm sorry that it falls then on the pharmacists and I truly hate it, but if I don't relinquish control, God will not be honored.

And so, I need to refocus my energies on home & family, where I have always believed they should be focused.  I will still try to do a "bang up job" at work, but I will leave on time and leave the work there.  This is my new year's resolution....hold me to it, people! ....maybe, I'll have energy to get back to blogging then :)

Personal Habits

In the May 2013 issue of Good Housekeeping magazine, I was shocked to read that the director of the Emily Post Institute, Peggy Post, had stated that is was acceptable to apply lipstick at a public dinner table.  My sense of civility is appalled that those who are supposed to be leading us down the path towards gentle and polite man and womanhood are now shrugging off these minor lapses in etiquette as perfectly alright.  What's next flossing your teeth in public?  There is nothing morally wrong with either and both can be a part of good grooming, so why not?  The fact that "everyone is doing it" does not make it appropriate.  Times may have changed, but truly good manners have not.  Personal grooming habits should be just that - personal.  Please do not floss your teeth, comb your hair, apply makeup or clip your nails in public view.  I'll be watching.... :)

Friday Giveaway!!!!

THIS OFFER HAS EXPIRED...TRY AGAIN NEXT TIME

Before you snag this giveaway, think about Christmas.  Is there someone on your Christmas list that would enjoy this?

Today's giveaway is a subscription (6 issues) of Pillsbury Recipe Magazine. First one to comment that they would like this, gets it :)  If you would like to see other giveaways here, give this post a "like" or a "+1"  This offer ends soon, so don't delay!

Each idea-packed issue has a seasonal theme, like casseroles, slow cooker or appetizers. Every recipe has a mouthwatering photo, prep and cook times and nutrition info. It's filled with how-to's, step-shots and tips.

• Over 400 delectable recipes each year
• Includes favorite recipes from the Bake-Off® Contest

 

Ketner's Mill 2012

Ketner's Mill 2012

Ketner's Mill 2012

Ketner's Mill 2012

It's Time to Stop Pretending

Let's face it.  I'm middle class, very middle-middle class, teetering at times on  the brink of lower-middle class.  There is no shame in one's station in life; it is what it is.  What concerns me is how we all, as Americans, pretend to have more than we do by purchasing things we cannot afford.  This trend has infiltrated all areas of consumerism: housing, clothing, cars, electronics, schools, vacations, and even WATER.  Part of this is due to our American Dream mentality and our perpetual desire to be on "equal" footing with our fellow man.  I could delve into how in a monarch based society people were born in to a station in life that was passed onto the next generation, etc. but I want to focus more on how we like to live above our means, our motives behind it, and what fuels it, at least where I'm concerned.

• The average size of the American home has risen sharply from the 1950 typical 983 square foot bungalow to the palatial 2300+ square foot home today and not because we're having more children. 
• The average American summer vacation in 2012 cost $1,180...per PERSON!
• In 2011, cable TV bills averaged $86 per month or $1032 per year.
• In 2010, Americans spent around $2,000 per household on clothing.
• In 2011, the standard American utility bill was $104 per month with  groceries coming in at $944 per month.
• The typical American carries credit card debt exceeding $15,500.  That's not counting mortgages, student loans, or car loans!

....you get the idea.  What fuels our over spending is the old adage of "keeping up with the Jones'."  The trouble is that with cable TV, Internet, magazines, etc. that the Jones' are no longer our physical neighbors.  Imagine how much more content I would be with what I have if I never saw HGTV or joined Pinterest.  Now, everyone take a deep breath because I'm not suggesting anyone give those things up. (Good thing, huh?!)  What I am suggesting is that perhaps I need to think about being middle class and tailoring my spending according to that level and not basing it on House Hunters International or my favorite Pinterest boards.  I need to see those things more as grown up unfinished fairy tales that haven't revealed the moral of the story yet. I'm sure I'll have more to say about this, but for now, it's back to cleaning for me :)

The Mask of My OCD Tendencies

My mom used to tell me that when the going got tough, the tough got cleaning.  This wasn't just some clever ploy to get me to clean my room; she genuinely believed it.  I distinctly remember being very stressed out at one particular point in my childhood, and she told me to clean out my closet from top to bottom.  It did in fact greatly diffuse my frustrations and gave me a sense of control.  To this day, I prefer to have a very organized, color coordinated closet; though sometimes life gets in the way of that.  When someone I love is in the hospital or has died, I clean.....a lot.  Unfortunately, rather than doing an adequate job of cleaning the whole house, I focus completely on one area and over sterilize it. (Is that really possible??)  That focusing on just certain areas or tasks, while other areas are more relaxed or other tasks left undone for months, was why I never really believed that I did in fact have OCD.  I'm now discovering this is not necessarily the case.

I have certain areas that I feel I must have clean and/or organized.  The dishwasher HAS to be loaded a certain way (of course, it IS the only logical way), the dollar bills in my cash register at work MUST all face up and to the left 100% of the time, my spices and refrigerated items at home all have assigned places to the extent that I can tell you where any item is exactly while blindfolded. Socks, pants, shirts, and other clothing items are always put away according to color and pattern (another logical habit).  At work, if a customer's hand touches mine in any way during the exchange of money, I MUST use hand sanitizer.  I do NOT touch door handles.  I almost always have a purse sized can of Lysol and/or wet wipes with me.  I could go on and on, but you get the idea.  I have never seen these things as troublesome until lately.

For the past several months, I have had to work extra hours at work.  For most people, this would not present a problem but I am not a physically strong person and have a weak constitution.  I thrive on organization, cleanliness, and rhythms in  life.  Those extra hours and the faster pace of those hours, while trying to maintain my OCD like habits, is exhausting, draining, and frustrating.  Feeling the need to maintain my happy level of order without enough time or energy to do so can make me a little (okay, a LOT) crazy.  I've been able to maintain the order at work, partly because the man I work with shares in my passion for order, but my home and my emotions left a lot to be desired.  It seemed the more tired and stressed that I was, the more I felt the need to have everything perfect and life just wasn't cooperating.

So, why do I have all these compulsions?  Fear and anxiety.  These are what my OCD like behavior masks.  Having things placed or cleaned just so gives me a huge since of control and calms my anxiety levels.  It's like a drug.  Let me explain, let's say Jane has just lost her job and has unpaid bills and hungry children.  Jane is understandably very stressed and feels emotionally out of control at times.  Jane goes to the doctor who writes her a prescription for Xanax to get her through this tough spot. (This is NOT an anit-Xanax rant)  Jane's emotions level out and she feels more in control again and is able to function for a while.  Shortly thereafter, Jane has a minor fender bender and begins to cry uncontrollably until she remembers her Xanax can calm her.  Gradually it takes less stressful situations to make her feel the need for her medication until she/her brain has lost the skills needed to deal with stress and she must rely on medication. The same is true for some with OCD.  OCD behaviors are calming and give us a sense of control, but those behaviors never really help us face and deal with what is sparking those behaviors.

For me the answer lies in verses like Psalm 46:10, Be still, and know that I am God.  The Hebrew word for still means to cease striving, which is the whole concept behind the Sabbath rest.  We need to cease from our efforts and striving and let God be God in our lives.  How does that play out moment by moment?  It is fine for me to keep my cash register till at work in order, but if I have five people in line waiting, then I need to let go of my compulsions and SERVE my customers.  If I have time later, I can go back and tidy up.  This is hard because having the bills out of order, even if I can't see them, makes me feel anxious.  It is at that point that I need to be still and understand that God is in control and it's okay that I'm not in charge.  I must look these feelings in the eye and tell them and myself that my God is an awesome God and that He is sovereign over every thing, no matter how small.  There is nothing that can come in to my life that He has not foreordained.

It is difficult and will take baby steps, but I need to face this and grow.  So this week, I let go of control of my dollar bills and I let a stranger use my personal pen, putting it back in my pocket without sanitizing it or making an "EWW!" face.  These seem so petty, but for me it's a big deal.  I'm still not touching the bathroom doors though! ;)

Your Privacy

Recently, I discovered that my Facebook timeline showed publicly some very private conversations that had been in my messages. I was able to hide those conversations from my timeline, but I discovered that when I went to my friends' timelines that some of those conversations were still there.  This was disconcerting because friends (and is self included) have shared some very private things as matters of prayer, and I felt violated.  I vaguely remember some long lost Facebook friend, who had long ago deactivated his account, prophesying that this would happen and that our photos and our words posted would no longer be our own but the property of Facebook.  Needless to say, I have been slowing working on deactivating my account (untagging and deleting photos, etc.). 

These events spurred a conversation with my mother about our privacy and the fact that it's almost non-existent today.  Do you have a credit card?  Your purchases are tracked.  Do you have a rewards card?  Those purchases are tracked as well.  Do you have cable or satellite TV?  The shows you watch are monitored and the capabilty exists for companies to show commercials targeted directly at you based on the shows you watch.  There are also in some, if not many, products that contain microchips that follow you home, tracking where you take your purchase.  For many years, our military has had the capability of flying over any home in America and listen in on your conversations....I'm not just talking phone conversations, but table conversations.....not that anyone is interested in what you or I have to say ;)    I am certain that there are countless ways we are being watched, marketed to and targeted, and we are mostly ignorant of it.  Some of us, sacrifice our privacy for the sake of saving money, but will we regret it in the long run?

Take Wal-Mart.  When they first arrived on the horizon, we were all excited and thrilled that they showed up to bring us so many things under one roof and at such cheap prices.  What was the final cost to us?  Loss of small, local businesses, loss of manufacturing jobs to cheaper overseas companies, etc.  What will happen if we don't start drawing the line with our privacy rights or are we already too far gone.  I fear it is too late, and I now have this gnawing twinge every time I scan a rewards card or use a credit card, but what's a girl to do?

Vulgarity is no substitute for wit

Today, I had a customer make several lewd comments in an attempt to be funny.  I was not amused.  Such comments do not deserve any response.  I'm sure my silence spoke my opinion clearer than any words I would have chosen.

Rules for Survival

I wrote this list many years ago with someone's specific situation in mind. While there are things I could easily add or take away and it seems somewhat silly at times. I thought this little list might help someone else's load....you never know ;)



1. Nobody (apart from Christ) will care for you any more than you care for yourself. You must treat yourself the way you want others to treat you - respect, common courtesies, etc.
2. You are NOT anyone's savior; you can't fix other people's problems EVER. God is our only true savior - as well as other people's. We need to admit our own inadequacies to do it alone so that God's strength can be made perfect in our lives. We cannot bring others to this point - not even our own kids.
3. God is sovereign & has a plan for OUR good. He will withhold no good thing from us. God & we may have differing ideas about what is "good" just like we & our kids have opposing views oftentimes. God really does love us.
4. You MUST take a Sabbath every week; this includes work, diets, problems, etc. Make this time sacred even if you have to go away to do it.
5. Smart women keep it simple. Pare down your life. Say "no" to things you KNOW are too much to handle. Use paper plates & frozen dinners without guilt when you need to do so. Your time is worth money, so look for ways to save your time.
6. Accomplish one household task everyday to yourself a sense of achievement.
7. When people say negative things to you, ask yourself whether it was for your benefit or theirs. Was it something that made them look bigger, smarter, or more powerful in your eyes? This especially applies to family members.
8. If God is for you, who can stand against you? If you are doing what you believe to be right in the sight of God & you're being hassled, then emotionally "shake the dust from your feet" and move on.
9. Smile even when you don't feel like it & look for ways to help someone else. Behind all those masks, the world is hurting.
10. Do something positive for yourself often, even if it's external. Paint your nails, go for a walk, take 10 minutes a day to read for fun, have a coke with someone - even one of your kids & then savor that time without putting expectations on it.

All the Days of Her Life

She does him good, and not harm,all the days of her life. ~ Proverbs 31:12

For years we have taught her daughter that "all the days of her life" included the years before her marriage. Recently, I saw the other end of the spectrum played out for me. My mom recently joined a local church here and before joining, she had to give her testimony and tell a little bit about her family. Now that my dad is dead, she could've easily told about all the ills she suffered because of him, but she didn't. She didn't spill any of it (and believe me, there's plenty to tell). Not only was it not necessary, it would've been wrong.

Americans have the bad habit of "airing their dirty laundry" too often and in too much detail. Don't misunderstand, there are times and places when it is appropriate to share your burdens with fellow believers, but more often than not, we're just defending ourselves & making a case for our "side" rather than letting God take care of us. Every family has problems. Every parent messes up their kids in one way or another. Every married person hurts their spouse in one way or another. Guess what....if you come from a "dysfunctional" family, you're not special. Even the church itself is largely dysfunctional. We live in a fallen world and are still suffering from the effects of sin in our bodies and in our spirits.

I believe it's time to let go of a lot of anger and bitterness to which we have been clinging like a child with a favorite blanket. It's time to quit blaming the way that we are on someone else. Take ownership for our own problems and move on. If you need to complain to someone, complain to God and leave your problems there. God's strength is made perfect in weakness, but we can never realize that strength in our own lives if we don't accept our own weaknesses and failures.....as someone from my younger days used to say "Every tub sits on its own bottom"....meaning we're responsible for our own lives and our reactions to others ;)

That the Word of God May Not Be Reviled~Titus 2:5

I'm going to tackle a tough topic that will not win friends and may make a few enemies. This is a subject that I've struggled and wrestled with for years, so I do not approach this lightly. The question is: should women work outside the home?

My answer is a a qualitative one. Of course, it is best and wise to turn to Scripture for our answers. Sometimes....many times....our own personal biases or upbringings cloud our thinking and conclusions. We must always use Scripture to interpret Scripture and remember who each passage of Scripture was adressed to and what culture was like at that time and what are the underlying principles. Titus 2 says the following:

3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive totheir own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Did you see the end of verse 5? Those words are pretty serious. Some translations use the word "blasphemed." Obviously, if a woman is married, her primary focus should be her family and home. But, does this mean that a woman cannot work outside the home? I don't think so; this is where my answer is a qualitative one. If a woman is able to keep her home and family in order and happy, then I see nothing contrary to Scripture in her holding a job outside the home, provided her husband is in favor of it. If you look at the Proverbs 31 woman, she is quite the businesswoman with employees under her, selling merchandise, buying land, and helping the needy. Some women are natural powerhouses of energy and creativity and can manage their home beautifully and still hold a job....I am not one of those women. I never have been one of those. I am a slow mover. I see no shame in being aware of my capabilities and/or limitations. I can eek by, but not manage beautifully.

What if you don't have a family? While it is the biblical normative for women to marry, I do believe that there are women who are called by God to be single and have a job. Honestly, I am very thankful for women ob/gyn's and mid-wives. I am also grateful that there are women counselors with biblical training for young girls struggling emotionally. In the case of singleness, I see nothing wrong with holding a job. Being called to singleness, does not mean second class....do not let anyone make you feel that way!

* SIDE NOTE: All this being said, I am NOT a feminist and do NOT like pushing young girls into career-mindeness for self-fulfillment. I am not in favor of anything that promotes self....be it for women or men. Education and work should never be about "finding" one's self or any other silly psychobabble. Education should be about equipping ourselves for services to God in whatsoever capacity He chooses for us. It's about fine tuning our God given talents and abilities for the furtherance of the Kingdom.*

Honestly, times are tough economically for just about everyone and those who are able to stay at home are very blessed indeed. I was blessed to stay home for eighteen years. I am so grateful that God allowed me to stay at home with our daughter until she was grown! What a blessing and a delight to have been able to homeschool her! If you can stay home, more power to you! If you are talented enough to have a home based business, that is awesome! I personally have not been able to succeed in that arena. If you are not one of those fortunate enough to be staying at home with your children, don't loose heart. God is sovereign over every area of our lives and He knows best. He can and will see you through these times if you trust Him. He has a purpose and a plan. Go to Him with your concerns, but leave them there and obey your husband.

So, how does my thinking tie in with Titus 2 if I believe that working outside the home is permissable? I believe the Word of God is blasphemed if a woman who has a husband and a family is so career oriented that her family/home suffers or is neglected OR if she is not busy at home if she is a stay at home mom. I think both of those are offensive to God. We are not to be self-absorbed in any way; we are to be living our lives in service to God. Going out to "find ourselves" or lying around eating bon bons are not included in man's chief end description.

I know this is opening a huge, smelly can of worms, and I welcome comments provided you are gracious and do not attack any one. I'm sure I've left lots out as usual. So comment away....go on....I know you're thinking it. lol

Strength in Humility (A blog from our lovely daughter)

"You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron?"
Translate this thought to our world: You didn't seriously think that one such as you could overcome the will of Satan?
Yeah. We can't. But that's the whole point!
Let me clarify. Many of you that read this, I know, have experienced God working in their lives in some way or another. Actually, all of you have, but the difference is whether or not you're conscious of it. God NEVER stops working in us or through us, and every passing moment is an opportunity to act on this knowledge or to let it slip by. But yet, we can't control these moments. In fact, we truly don't control anything in our lives...it's all because of grace! Do you think about that daily? Left to our true desires, we run rampant in this world...and if we truthfully admit, we wouldn't be happy with the aftermath of all those choices. Too often I've heard stories of "If only" or "I should have" and believe me, I'm one of them. But yet, I don't think any of us would really want to trade the growth that's come from our past experiences to go back to our old ways. In fact, we're not meant to! God's called us to His purpose and not our own, and every minute of every day is meant for Him to shape us into the mold He's designed for us to be...and in completion, it will be perfect. Here's the catch: the shaping process will hurt. Severely. The beauty of it is that God is with us through it all despite and that there is always the other side to be reached. In his book Desiring God, John Piper writes, "This is God's universal purpose for all Christian suffering: more contentment in God and less satisfaction in self and the world," (233). If this were something easy to attain, we wouldn't need God. We'd have even less appreciation for the multitude of graces we've already been shown if our faith were of our own doing. Thank God that it's not! Even beyond that, "Our sufferings make Christ's sufferings known so that people can see the kind of love Christ offers. We complete Christ's afflictions by providing what they do not have, namely, a personal, vivid presentation to those who do not see Christ suffer in person," (Piper 245). That's one of the hardest parts; keeping in mind that it all serves a higher purpose and that our reactions are a testimony. People watch our lives, whether we realize it or not, and everything reflects back to our relationship with Christ. How dare we doing anything to tarnish His beauty for something that we'd "prefer"?!
The highlight for learning all of this this week has been in the course of breaking my foot (again), but this time for a different reason than the last. Previously, it was due to a careless mistake. This time, I just pushed myself farther than I realized, thinking that I could handle it. I hadn't trained. Running nearly five miles when you haven't done that in a few months just isn't smart, but it felt good. The same applies to sin; going into it feels great, but you never realize until after the fact what sort of deep trouble you've gotten into save for that tiny voice that you sometimes listen to that tells you it might not be wise. The result for me now is I've become almost completely dependent again. Last time around, I feel I was much more accepting of this. This time (privately, mind you), I've just been a pathetic spaz. I've found myself struggling with anger, frustration, embarrassment, and humiliation. The laughter or pitiful looks from others just makes me want to break down on the spot. But I remembered today what one of my favorite role models, Marva Dawn, who is renowned for her tranquil attitude despite a plethora of ailments, including recent leg amputation, said, and that was that she was grateful to be a service opportunity for others! Today, I'd reached my limit. Between crutches, pouring rain, a flat tire, and being late to class, I was done. But on my way back to car, I was flooded with offers for rides, carrying my bag for me, etc, and that was when I remembered Who and what I was meant for and my tears just flowed when I reached my car, partially in shame for my pathetic attitudes lately. So, I'm actually grateful for it. I remember having prayed a little while back that I wanted to be reached out to and this has been God's way of showing me the surprising friends that will 'rise out of the woodwork' when needed, so to speak, and it's comforting. Thanks to all who've been around thus far - it's not gone unnoticed!
Back to the main point, all of this highlights so well the verse in Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me,". And, more specifically in Philippians, "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death," (3:8-10). Anything that happens in this life can never measure up to what Christ has already done for us. Rejoice in any opportunity to suffer with Him and pray that we all would welcome it when the time comes.