Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

 

Recently I watched in horror as an elderly woman bruised and and tore her thin skin as she desperately tried to  remove a Band-Aid that didn't "feel" right. The initial cut that the bandage was intended to protect was tiny in comparison to the damage done removing the bandage. I say watched in horror because I saw my potential future self doing the same thing as I empathetically related to her feelings which had overpowered her ability think rationally. 

OCD like tendencies can quietly and covertly get a foot hold in our minds before we are even aware of it. Each time we give in to these sometimes unconscious habits, they become stronger and our control over them becomes weaker,  creating increased anxiety and compulsion to relieve that anxiety. The solution is often to "get comfortable being uncomfortable."  While this phrase is most often applied to models for achieving business success, it has real life long value in combatting unwanted inclinations. If you find yourself more than a little disturbed by having things "just so," it may be to your benefit to intentionally allow yourself to be uncomfortable with those situations. Learning to live with things that make us uncomfortable can lead to greater peace and contentment in this world and others, particularly in our later years.

 

Obtaining Positive Healthcare in the Wake of Covid

It has been said that if you listen long enough your patient will tell you what's wrong with them. Listening is a skill that very few of us have cultivated. According to a 2018 study published in the Journal of General Medicine, only 36% of patients were given an opportunity to speak up about why they came in for the visit. "Physicians interrupted the patient in 27 of the 40 (67%) encounters in which the agenda was elicited. The median time to interruption was 11 s. When not interrupted, patients completed their agenda in a median of 6 s. Most commonly, the physician interrupted by asking a closed-ended question (59%), followed by making a statement (30%), and using a re-completer (7%), or an elaborator (4%)."  According to Arefa Cassoobhoy, MD, MPH (January27, 2020 WEBMD) 75% of doctors feel they communicate well while only 21% of patients feel their talks went well.  In a facility where doctors are required to meet a quota, doctor patient communication can deteriorate further 

But what about in the age of Covid where in-person office visits are no longer an option for most? Within the confines of the telephone, which does not allow for reading facial expression, true communication between physician and patient can be even more limited. According to Sabe Sabesan and Danny Tucker (May 2020) as much as 55% of communication is dependent upon gaze, eye contact, and posture. So much can be missed and as a result, the level of care is greatly diminished. How is one to get good medical care in the wake of the Covid pandemic? 

• Be patient with both the system and your physician. This is still relatively new territory for all of us.
• Be your own advocate and research only reliable sources like medical and scientific journals, keeping in mind that there are a lot of "snake oil" websites that sell false hope.
• If your doctor is not the best listener, prepare before your visit by listing your concerns and questions by order of priority. Get your most important concern out first. It is also helpful to have all your questions and concerns written down in the event that you are interrupted.
• Keep records of your conversations with your doctor that you can reference back to later to avoid confusion and to help you remember. 
• If you still feel as though you do are not experiencing effective communication with your doctor you can choose to: try to voice your concerns with your doctor or to the specific health facility, or switch doctors.

2020 has definitely been trying and most have experienced some level of fear or anxiety in regards to their healthcare. Hopefully, this is a season that will pass and we will emerge smarter, stronger and more patient

Every Tub Sits on its Own Bottom

Every tub sits on its own bottom; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

I can remember the first time I heard this and what a weight was lifted off me when I realized that I was only responsible for my actions and no one else's. Period. End of story. There are so many times we carry around misplaced guilt. Guilt for what a family member has done, and so on when none of it is ultimately ours to bear. When we come to final judgement, God doesn't ask us about our neighbor's actions or our parents actions or even our child's actions, He is only concerned with our lives and actions. Goodness knows, I have enough sin and dirt in my own life such that to carry another's would be too much.

While it is comforting to know that I am not responsible for anyone else's sin or poor choice, it is equally discomforting to realize that my own sin and poor choices are all my responsibility. For instance, if someone cuts me off in traffic, that is their sin and not mine. However, if I feel a small sense of injustice has been done to me and I yell at the driver or attempt to respond in kind in some way or allow myself to become so bothered by the other driver that I become irritable with others, then that sin is solely mine. It is my choice how I react. Evil by one person does not excuse evil done by me.

But this knowledge causes me to examine areas of my life where my choices impact other's lives in both broad and narrow senses; not just in contemplating whether or not my cutting off another driver contributes to their own crankiness or a wreck, but also in thinking about how my spending habits impacts another's personal economy. This has particularly come home during the Coronavirus panic when so many have lost their source of income. I am responsible for how I treat others here and now and for how my choices impact the lives of others. 

Every tub sits on its own bottom. I bear the responsibility of my choices and actions. Every choice I make needs to be based on God's perfect law and not my sinful heart.

The More Troublesome Pandemic

We are living in what is for most of us very unusual times. While past generations have gone through plagues, pandemics, and poverty, most Americans started 2020 with some semblance of wealth and well being. That all quickly changed with the arrival of the new coronavirus pandemic and the subsequent lockdown of a good portion of the world.

At first, the majority were in favor of a temporary lockdown to slow the spread of this emerging and mutating disease until we could prepare our healthcare system for the inevitable onslaught of sick patients. As time wore on and the restrictions were not lifted (here in California, most restrictions are still in place) many have lost their jobs and wonder if there will be jobs to return to, with some businesses already announcing that they will be permanently shuttered.

This has led to great fear, and in turn, great anger and frustration from all sides.  We have the fear of the disease, which for some almost certainly will lead to death, and fear of unemployment and possibly a lack of the basic necessities of life: shelter, food, etc. These emotional responses are natural and understandable, but the resultant anger has seemingly spilled over into our relationships with co-workers, friends, family, and people we meet in public. Because our future seems uncertain in regards to our health and physical needs, paired with the uncertainty of this changing any time soon, this chain of events and our reaction of fear has led us to put up our emotional defenses everywhere. Add in to the mix of all this the extreme social isolation and cutting off of our emotional and spiritual support groups, and the resultant emotional soup has many boiling over with no one seemingly being left to put out the stove fires.

While we as individuals can do little to nothing when it comes to finding a cure for this new disease or to sway the opinions of our governors on what is an appropriate restriction level for citizens, we can do some things turn down our emotional flames that have our fears boiling over into outward directed anger. The following are things I have had to remind myself of more than once through this soupy mess:

• Limit our intake of social media and news. For me, that meant deleting my Facebook and Twitter accounts and not watching the news. I added local and national news apps on my phone (with notifications turned off) and I look at the headlines when I choose rather than have it constantly in my face all day. Since news now frequently interrupts local TV programming, it means the TV is turned off here most of the day unless we are streaming a program through the internet.

• Pick up the phone and call a real person while trying not to talk solely about the pickle we're all in. Since we hopefully are watching less TV and are instead reading a book discuss ideas, concepts, and plans. As Christians we can encourage each other with Scripture; most of the New Testament churches lived in much more trying times than we are currently living in. Reading and discussing the Pauline Epistles, comparing the past and current eras can be very illuminating.

• We make use of our local church's online services. If you are struggling, reach out to your pastor or elders. We are to bear one another's burdens of which the flip side is that we shouldn't wallow in despair alone....reach out. If your church does not have online services, comment on this post and I can point you in the direction of good online services that are specific to your denomination.

• Pray. It sounds like such a simplistic answer, but in the heat of our emotional stewing prayer often doesn't occur to us. It is not only important that we pray, but also important how we pray.  Too often we pray for God to remove a bad situation from our lives, knowing full well that God is not going to do that. God uses these difficult times for our good and His glory. We need to pray instead that God would open our eyes to His purposes for us during this time. Pray that He would give us grace to endure these times. Pray that God would give us direction in what our response should be. Pray that we would trust God to meet our needs (this doesn't mean just sit on our bum) rather than a job. Pray that the Holy Spirit would show us how we can help others most if He has blessed us with resources.

• Be mindful of our emotional state and patient with the emotional state of those with whom we come into contact. If this is difficult for we who are Christians, imagine how difficult it is for those who have no hope in Christ's ultimate victory. Be aware of our feelings and when we find ourselves getting impatient or angry, ask ourselves what are we afraid of and is this really a rational fear. Perhaps it's that no one else will look out for us, or that we're going to die. Truth is, we are all going to die and there is no getting out of it short of the Lord returning. As a Christian, I long for the next life, a life free from the burden of sin so that I can truly worship God rightly. Perhaps we don't trust in the sovereignty or goodness of God as we think we do and these are the fires that refine our faith. Ultimately, those fires that refine us are a good thing. 

• Distract our selves from our worries by getting busy, listening to music, reading a book, trying a new recipe, or going for a walk. The key is to change what we are doing, without waiting for motivation. Action most often comes before motivation. Action actually leads to mental motivation.

Have any other suggestions? Please feel free to comment or message me. I would love to hear how you are coping.

Helping our Neighbors During the Coronavirus

So many people have been laid off as a result of the Coronavirus Shelter in Place orders. A lot of those individuals will not be able to go back to the same place of employment when those orders are finally lifted because many companies will be forced to shutter permanently due to lack of funds. If you would like to help your neighbor and/or fellow citizens, it is more important than ever to buy goods that are manufactured in the country in which you live. It is even better to buy local if you are able to do so. Yes, it's more expensive sometimes, but not always. I would rather pay a little extra and help my neighbor out rather than save a few bucks while people near me are floundering. Here is a short list of companies that are manufactured in the USA. If you live in another country, please do an internet search and find products from your area.

• Merle Norman
• Mineral Fusion
• Elizabeth Arden Cosmetics
• Tom's of Maine
• Brooks Bros. Clothing
• New Balance
• Gamine Workwear
• Pendleton
• Socks4Life
• Karen Kane
• True Religion
• Fry Company Boots
• G.H. Bass
• PW Minor
• Purple Mattress
• Pyrex
• Crayola
• Post-It Notes
• Igloo
• LooHoo Dryer Balls
• Graf & Lantz
• Webber Grills
• Chesapeake Bay Candles
• Kitchen Aid Mixers
• Fiesta Tableware
• KNex Toys

These are just a few of the companies still manufacturing in America, and while there are many others out there, there even more that are outside our borders. Just peek at the labels of the clothes in your closets and try to find one item that was made in America. If you want to help middle America rather than line the silk purses of companies who have chosen wealth over their fellow countrymen, buy USA. 

Communism...coming to a country near you!

This morning a disturbing bit of news came up on my Facebook feed, disturbing enough to cause me to start prepping my account for deletion. Here is a link to the article detailing the removal of posts related to protests over quarantine/stay at home orders that are excessive. Now, honestly, I do not care what your position is on anything as I do not mind having a difference of opinion on issues because it does not affect my feelings towards you (well, not much anyway.) But to silence someone's right to express that opinion or protest, whatever the issue, is crossing over into the Nanny State. Facebook has long censured its subscribers with its clever algorithms by making certain posts hard to find. Any small business owner with a Facebook page has known this for a long time, as no one will see your posts unless your fans "like" a lot of your posts or you pay Facebook advertising money. As I see it, there is only one way to stop this tyranny...download all your photos into a zip file (it was easy and took less than 5 minutes), gather your friends contact information, then hit that deactivation button (found in setting and your Facebook information.) Is it painful? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes! You might even find out your neighbors' names as a result.  

Shattered Dreams and Tattered Lives

Look behind the well groomed lives and painted faces, and you will see shattered dreams and tattered lives. No one dared ever imagine being there, most not even knowing how they got there. 

In every place I see despairing hearts and starving souls, some burying the pain so deep that they have reckoned the numbness to be happiness. The knowing seers are silent, not wishing to expose the horror of the fullness of the others' pain lest it become the final blow. 

Everywhere I see hidden sadnesses etched in the faces behind the carefully constructed lives. In each place,  seers offer prayers for these struggling ones whose dreams have been ravaged by the circumstances of life. 

See that one who struggles endlessly, not wanting to yet fully die? Look into that face and see the little boy or girl of five whose hopes and aspirations were brimming with life and hope.

Ours is not to know every story. Ours is not to see them as only in this time and space. Ours is to pray for them to be lifted by God's redeeming Grace.

His strength is made perfect in our weakness and He is close to the brokenhearted. 

Pray that they will taste and see that the Lord is good.

Pain in Focus

Without medication, 80% of my waking hours are spent in pain to one degree or another. I say 80% rather than 100% because I recently started back to work one day per week and I noticed at the end of my second work day that I had hardly noticed my pain that day.  I am certain that the inflammation and pain was still there, but my mind was so focused on the tasks at hand that my pain registered as unimportant in my brain. If you find this incredulous or you cannot relate, think about how much harder you work out at the gym if your favorite song comes on you iPod or the gym starts playing music from the Rocky movies. This phenomenon has set the cogs and wheels of my mind in motion, meditating on my focus in life and how much I let distractions rule me.

As I said, my main distraction is pain because it is my constant friend. I spend a great de,al of time avoiding things that may or may not add to that pain, which in turn causes me to experience more pain rather than less pain because that is what I am dwelling on.  Let me try to give you an example. Right now, your foot is most likely gently resting on the floor as you read this. Your foot's nerve endings are receiving all kinds of data and relaying it to your mind, even more so as you become more aware of that foot's perceived sensations. As you think about this, your foot not only feels heavier as it rests there and you become much more aware of how that feels because that's where your focus lies. And it is the same with your pain, the more you dwell on it, the more you feel it.

So you're in pain and would very much like to not experience it; it's all very well and good for someone to tell you to focus on something else and you'll feel better.  While there is a great deal of truth to it, when you are in the throes of pain, sometimes you need a little help to refocus.  Recently, music therapy has come into vogue, and rightly so. Not everyone can afford or find a music therapist, but everyone can find some music that soothes their soul or revs them in order to refocus our thoughts. Apparently, what music works best is as individual as you are. While many music therapy session include immersion in or active participation in the music, etc., even having music in the background can help. I know that when I have the unpleasant task of paying bills or sorting through bank statements, I play Christmas music because it makes me smile. This won't be true of everyone....or even most people. When I am driving through heavy traffic in Atlanta, I listen to Gregorian Chants because I find the music very calming.

While thinking about using music as a distraction away from my focus on pain, it occurred to me that music is only one of many things we can/should do that have the happy side effect of alleviating our pains. As I said before, I started back to work and was very pleasantly surprised that I experienced a definite decrease in my perceived pain. Doing something for others, which takes the focus off of our self and puts it onto the needs of others often boosts our mood, which translates into less perceived pain. Any activity where we experience a state of flow, whether it is something as simple as pulling weeds or needlework as you intently focus on every aspect of that particular task, not only takes our mind away from our pain, but also is highly gratifying. This is perhaps the reason I enjoy cooking; not only do I focus on simply following a recipe, but I am drawn in by textures, aromas, and tastes. For my mother it has been her art, and sometimes, cleaning. I can remember as a child that if I were in an irritable mood, my mother would make me clean out my closet or drawers. Begrudgingly, I would begin and gradually I would become lost in the task as I discovered things I had forgotten or lost or remembered happy memories upon rediscovering some little trinket.

I also find focus when I am reading either Scripture or a good theologian. As my heart finds rests in His promises or wrestles with opposing doctrines or discovers even greater depths of God's great love for me, I find myself completely absorbed in these ideas as I mentally take them out of the box and admire them from all different angles. Books that are just barely outside of my mental reach that cause me to stretch and grow (the kind my dear husband recommends to me) are most likely to fully engage me. And, as I unpack new ideas, I find I carry them with me through the other areas of my life. I am reminded of several verses that frequently come to my mind when I am stressed, worried or in pain. They instantly recenter my thoughts to the proper place. Hopefully, you will find the same peace from them.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.  Isaiah 26:3

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness[d] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned[e] and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:4-9

*As a disclaimer, none of this is meant to be used as medical advice. 

Lent: Family Traditions

Family Traditions

Most all families have some traditions. Often these focus around holidays. While I was growing up, there was not a debate: Christmas Eve was at my grandparents’ home where a generous meal climaxed in the joyous opening of presents. Other families reserve the same week every year so they can vacation together, often at the same spot. Traditions protect relationships and help us remember how we are committed to and love one another as family.

The Christian family, also known as the Church, has done this since earliest years, and made these traditions into a church calendar. Though this dates back to the fourth century and earlier, some Protestants are a bit erratic in how it is celebrated these days as it seems a bit “Catholic.” However, in the early days, all of the church was “catholic,” that is, universal. There was no “Roman Catholic” church, just the Church universal. That is what we refer to when we cite the Apostles’ Creed on Sundays.

The Church calendar is built around two major seasons focused on the two major Christian holidays: Christmas and Easter. Most all Christians observe these. Many Protestants still include Advent, and at First Pres we celebrate with the Advent wreath being lighted by families on the four Sundays before Christmas. We, of course, celebrate Easter and even Good Friday is a holiday for most. But what of the rest of the tradition – the rest of our family calendar that calls us together to celebrate our ancestry dating back to Jesus? It is a little fuzzy. Different churches do different things.

So, a quick look at the main events. We are familiar with Advent where we anticipate the birth of Christ and His return by preparing our hearts. In the Christian calendar, however, Christmas is a season, not just a day. Guess what? It lasts twelve days (does this bring a song to mind?). It ends with Epiphany, a celebration of the visit of the wise men to see Jesus (remember: they weren’t present at the manger.)

The calendar takes a break until the Easter season begins. As Advent leads up to Christmas, so Lent leads up to Easter. Lent begins on Ash Wednesday. The ashes placed on the foreheads in some churches represent the dust of which we are made and to which we return as we enter into a season of repentance and reflection as we prepare our hearts for Easter. This heightened awareness of our sin and mortality serves to help the Church family be more grateful for the redemption accomplished by Christ on Easter weekend. It also commemorates Jesus’ suffering as He fasted the forty days in the wilderness when He was tempted by Satan. (For folks who notice numbers, Lent is actually 46 days as Sundays are considered feast days and are not included.)

I find something special in remembering these days and seasons, sharing in my spiritual family’s tradition of nearly 2000 years. It keeps my focus on Jesus in these seasons and on all that He has done for me and my Church family. The next season is Lent (Ash Wednesday is March 1^st), and often Christians give up something for Lent as a way of sharing in Christ’s suffering during His fast. This does not have to be food, but it might be media or other things that might distract us from our Lord.

Prayerfully consider how God would have you and your biological family connect to the traditions of your spiritual family this year.

~Timothy A. Sisemore

Reformation Day Musings

While most Americans' minds during October are typically filled with thoughts of cooler weather, bonfires, football, and Halloween, my thoughts always navigate towards the Reformation and the persecuted Church worldwide. I am still amazed at the courage and tenacity of Martin Luther as he took a stand against all of Christendom for what is one the basic tenants of our Christian faith. Martin Luther never desired a split in the Church that would result in so many denominations and factions. He did not want to leave the Catholic Church, but the teachings of doctrines such as penance and the supremacy of the pope were not and are not found in Scripture. Because Luther would not waiver from his belief in the Sola Scriptura, he was excommunicated and spent a good deal of his life in hiding while translating that same Scripture into German.  Martin Luther believed so strongly in the supremacy and infallibility of the Word of God that he was willing to die for it.  I often think about how I would respond if I were I asked to recant my beliefs in the five Solas. My desire and prayer is to stand graciously firm in my beliefs; I do not want to only run the race set before me, but to finish it as well.

We are living in times where we can hide our heads no longer as the real threat of persecution encroaches on our borders.  As you can see from the map below from Open Doors (www.opendoorsusa.org), Mexico is now on the high risk watch list. Our concern, however, should not only be about our safety, but also the eternal safety of those who would desire to kill us for our faith in God. It is often hard to remember in the heat of the moment but ...there but for the grace of God, go I (John Bradford .)

We, too, were at one time enemies of Christ.  I am so grateful that God chose to love us in spite of our disregard for Him. The next time someone pokes fun at our faith or even someday threatens our lives because we are Christians, my hope is that we not only confidently and gratefully stand firm in our faith, but that we also see the other person's desperate need for God and that we were once that person.

"..that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death.." ~ Phil. 3:10 ESV

Drive-Thru Prayer

This used to be a joke, until I actually saw it in my neighborhood this week...people holding signs that said, "Drive-Thru Prayer."  Are you kidding me?!  I am sure that this church has good intentions (no pun intended) and they're seeking to minister to a needy and harried world, but have we really slipped this far that we're putting our prayer life on the same shelf as a Big Mac?  I confess that none of us pray the way we should or as often as we should, and I am not opposed to a ministry that takes time to pray for strangers.  I have seen a woman on the street corner with her own sign that reads, "I will pray with you," and I think that is wonderful. People often feel more at ease sharing their woes when they have some degree of anonymity. What bothers me most about the other sign is labeling the ministry "drive-thru." I need to think through this a lot more, but I am grateful that God can use us even when we have bad theology...

Music to My Ears

This morning I woke up cranky, unmotivated, and stuck in the downward spiral.  I was reminded that, like it or not, today I HAD to step down my steroid dose to a measly 2.5mg and worse still, that I must press on and not give in to pain and stiffness or it would overcome me.  Providentially in my email inbox was an article about surprising things that relieve pain and stiffness.  The one that caught my eye was listening to music.  Studies show that listening to music that you enjoy for one hour, whatever genre you like, lessens the sensation of pain. (Go ahead, google it.)  So, I put on my newly purchased headphones, turned on Pandora to Perry Como Radio (hey, don't judge), and headed out the door for a walk....begrudgingly.  Honestly, it worked!  Now, I was still mildly aware of my knees seizing up and my toes pulsating, but my step was quickened and there a was actually a smile on my face.  What?!  I don't smile on my walks any more; I huff and puff and groan, but smile?  Yes, I smiled.  I have always mentally judged people who walked or ran with headphones because of not being in the moment and experiencing the sounds of nature.  I do enjoy hearing the birds singing and the giggles and squeals of children playing, but today was different.  That music was what enabled me to not give up and press on.  It brought back happy memories, which in turn, brought happy feelings.  Give it a try!

Far Above the Noise of Life....

Those closest to me know that for quite some time I have desired to fully embrace I Thessalonians 4:11-12 by leading a quiet life and minding my own affairs.  Lately, the Lord has been reminding me of this in overt ways. On Saturday morning, I heard a talk on the silence of the mind and heart and freeing ourselves from distractions both external and internal in order to hear that still, small voice of God.  On Sunday morning,  the offertory song was "Gentle Voice" by Lee & Susan Dengler (lyrics below).  I think God is not just speaking to me; He's tapping my shoulder because I'm not doing much about it.

Distractions can come in so many different forms. We constantly have a surplus of information coming at us from all different sources and most of this information is superfluous to our walk in Christ.  Most of the news we watch does not genuinely affect or apply to our lives (not that we need to have our heads buried in the sand), is generally one-sided, and is largely sensationalized.  Even our Facebook newsfeed is only the bits and pieces that others want us to see and doesn't really help us to truly know a person.  And then there's the part of Facebook where suddenly everyone seems to think themselves (self included here) an authority, spouting out opinions & straw man arguments, and misquoting or misapplying verses of Scripture and changing the opinion of not one single other person.  Is this how we really get to know one another and build one another up in the Lord?

Distractions can come in the form of friends or family members over whom we worry, even when we seek to go to the foot of the cross.  Yes, we need to bring our loved ones to God in prayer, but most of us do so wringing our hands and worrying over them, desiring for God to answer our prayers for them in the way in which we want those requests answered.  Sometimes, those difficult patches in the lives of the people we are praying for (or ourselves) are part of the answer to our prayers because God uses all things to conform us to His image, not just the pleasant parts.  That worry or desire for God to answer our petitions the way in which we want them answered betrays a lack of yieldedness to God's sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness. It is also distracting us from working out our own salvation with fear and trembling as in Philippians 2:12 by keeping our minds and hearts focused on someone else's business.

The list of things that distract us can go on and on and will vary with each individual but the solution will always be the same.  We need to root out those distractions in our lives and open our eyes, minds, and hearts to what God has placed immediately before us.  It's not going to be just about letting go of things that distract us; it's going to be cutting the ropes of those things that are binding us.  It will take work and more work, time and again because we are so weighed down with the cares of this world.

Personally, I am gradually saying goodbye to Facebook.  I say gradually only because I have a myriad of photos that I need to save first because that is the only place they currently exist and it will take some time to upload them all.  I have tried in the past to keep Facebook to just a few select family members, but friends kept finding me and before I knew it I was fully drawn in again.  This may not seem like a difficult thing to some, but for me, it's a HUGE distraction in my life.  I don't want that.  This past Sunday, one of our pastors asked us to close our eyes and think of a place that we consider the "good life."  I did so with no preconceived ideas and much to my surprise, my heart's desire was an Abbey, not because I desire to be Catholic but because I desire a life free from distractions in order to rightly worship and obey God.  I can lay aside some of these weights; I can place them at the foot of the cross.  Please watch and pray with me.

Gentle Voice

Far above the noise of life,
There’s a voice that is gently calling.
“Leave behind your cares and strife.
Come to me, I will give you rest.
Bring your fear, and bring your pain.
Bring your anger, and bring your worry.”
Do you hear the voice of Jesus
gently calling, “Come unto me.”

Gentle voice, so meek and mild,
Gentle words of understanding.
“You are my beloved child.
Come to me, I will give you rest.
Bring your grief, and bring your cares.
Bring you heartaches, and bring your sorrow.”
Do you hear the voice of Jesus
Gently calling, “Come unto me”?

Gentle voice so full of love,
Gentle words so rich in mercy.
“You are my beloved child.
Come to me. I will give you rest.”

~Lee & Susan Dengler

Slow to Anger

Have you noticed how angry the world has become?  Even yourself; do you find yourself loosing your cool more than you would like? Is our anger justified?  I find that my impatience and quick tempered tendency is rarely justified. I have become increasingly aware of this and have begun to focus on striving more towards humility and forbearance and living my life more deliberately and proactively.

Last weekend I worked at a garden show as a vendor. The show was a lot of fun and we had great sales all weekend.  At the end of the event I was overtired, not just from working, but also from arthritis and carrying around the weight of my all too heavy body; still, there was an afterglow of a successful show.  As I exited the grounds. I stopped my car at a crosswalk to let two young mothers pass.  After they had passed and I proceeded, another car (two car lengths behind me) honked in agitation at the car in front of him.  One of the young mothers immediately assumed that it was me that had honked at her and yelled expletives my way.  Unfortunately, I immediately yelled back that it wasn't me (after having quickly thought of a few choices things that I could have yelled but decided to use a little prudence.)

I wish my initial reaction would have been one of compassion for a stressed out mom and prayer for her.  I cannot imagine Jesus seeking to justify or defend Himself.  Yes, but He was God made flesh, you say.  Well, I cannot see Mother (Saint) Teresa or Marva Dawn or Elisabeth Elliott responding the way I did.  You see, I know that for the non-Christian, this world is good as it gets for them; this is their "heaven."  Can you imagine? This world with all its horrors,injustices, and sufferings is the best some will ever have, not to mention being forever separated from God.  Can you not feel their pain and hopelessness behind their angry faces?  If we cannot offer them compassion and hope of a better path, who can?

So how am I working on this lifelong process?  First, I recognize my own past and present failures in the area and understand that I am no better than anyone else, leaning on and looking to God and His Word for guidance.  If I am able to show any mercy, it is because of the grace of God.

     There but for the grace of God, go I....John Bradford

Second, I am working on unplugging.  For me, this is very difficult.  Checking Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. has been an anxiety reliever (actually, it only wears the mask of stress soother, but that's another blog post waiting).  I have made it more difficult for me to access these social media sites by hiding their icons on my smartphone and iPad and by turning off their notifications.  I also have turned my phone to vibrate or off when in the company of others.

Third, I am trying not to multitask so that I am more cognizant of what I am doing.  Multitasking is seen as a desirable skill in this fast paced world, but I'm not so sure this is true any more.  To simultaneously perform tasks or projects is to live in a constant state of interruption, which often translates to a state of agitation for many of us.  This doesn't mean you should never do two things at once, but we should be more aware of what we are doing, why we are doing it, and whom are we serving through its accomplishment.  This singleness of mind is a skill that is fading quickly in our fast paced and sound byte saturated culture.

To take that one step further, I have been working on the discipline of reading a book slightly above (okay...it's a LOT above) my level of comprehension.  My mind has been conditioned by the frequency of commercials and the brevity of Twitter tweets and Facebook statuses. I have, in a sense, been dumbed down by my own insatiable desire to be entertained (yet, another blog).

These are just a few steps I am praying through and working on to have a quieter heart and show more compassion.  For the sake of His sorrowful passion, I seek to show mercy.

Despair and Worry

Everyone who knows me intimately knows that I can be stubborn and whiny.  I would make a wonderful Israelite wandering in the wilderness.  I realize that doesn't make me a shining example of what a Christian should be, but before you brush me off, sit and have tea with me for a bit because you may find yourself in similar circumstances.  We may also come to realize that our position is more precarious than we think.

I have two sides; the sane side that trusts and hopes in God implicitly and the stubborn & whiny side that wallows in the mire of my circumstances.  Lately, I have been fighting to not drown in that mire, whining and crying all the while. This morning I chose to meet my husband at Panera to work on my Bible study while he worked on his on studies.  I dreaded this because for me to be in public at 7am and be both cognizant AND pleasant is a challenge and because last week's lesson just didn't seem very applicable for me (but then, I hadn't applied myself either).

As it turned out, the lesson so far has been just what I needed.  Our study this week is in the first few chapters of Numbers and points to what sparked the years of wandering in the wilderness and the denial of access into the promised land of rest.  It was their lack of faith in God to deliver what He had promised.  I remember as a child thinking that the Israelites must have been stupid to have seen the hand of God deliver them from the hands of Egyptians with huge miracles and then cower at the thought of taking Canaan, but aren't we just like them?  As an adult, I am struck by how serious God takes our trust in Him and our worship of Him as evidenced by the consequences of those infractions.

Sometimes, I find myself dwelling on my present circumstances and worrying, even to the point of despair. While this is not uncommon  in the life of the Christian at times, it is a dangerous place to unpack our bags and live.  The Israelites' lack of faith led to the hardening of their hearts and kept them from entering into the promised land of God's rest.  Hebrews 3 warns of this in direct reference to the faithless hearts and subsequent wandering of the Israelites:

  "Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God.  But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called today, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." Hebrews 3:12-13

This is not to say that the Christian will never fall and despair or find it difficult to trust God.  Even David, a man after God's own heart, had to talk back to himself as he struggled with faith.

  "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are in turmoil within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.  My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon from Mount Mizar." Psalm 42:5-6

David, when distraught, not only told himself to trust in God, but also began to recount God's past faithfulness.  As Christians today, it easy to get beat down by the world and become afraid.  It is during those times that we need to talk back to ourselves and not only remind ourselves of God's promises for our future but also His past faithfulness to us and our believing ancestors to keep our hearts from being hardened against Him.

The Awful Truth

This morning I learned something about myself.....it's not the hot tea that I adore; it's the sugar I dump in it. It's not the bubbles of soda that I crave; it's the sugar.  *face palm*  I am a sugar addict. This is no surprise to me or anyone that knows me. The problem is the withdrawals I experience and inflict on others when I attempt to break free. Now, before you message me about how to give up sugar without withdrawals, don't, please don't. In 1988, I went sugar free for a year and a half and it was glorious! I felt better than I had in.....well, ever....and my health was illness free during that time. Why did I go back to my sweet but evil ways? A hospital staff that insisted I eat ALL the food brought to me during my week long stay (I had just given birth and hemorraged due to DIC syndrome and developed Strep B). I protested at first, but in my weakness, I caved in to that hospital chocolate pudding which was sooooo much better than the limp meat that was on the same tray. I have tried numerous times to free myself from my addiction, but the withdrawal gets me every time. Do I want to never eat sugar again? Of course not. I just want to loosen the death grip it has on me, largely because my health needs to improve. I am 70+ lbs overweight, I have peripheral artery disease, I have bone spurs in my knees and feet, I have arthritis, I have fibromyalgia, I have asthma, and acid reflux that is out of control. I know what to do and how to do it, but pulling the trigger is hard. So, in baby step fashion, I am going to not drink tea that has sugar or any sweeteners of any kind in it. I will also not drink soda. Aaaccckkk! This will cut down on my caffeine consumption. During this time, I am not responsible, but do apologize for, any and all snarkiness. 

Baby Stepping

I realize that I did not post much in 2015.  Honestly, 2015 was the darkest year of my entire life and I felt as though I had nothing to offer anyone in the way of blogs.  It was a difficult year, but it was also a time that saw me cling hard and fast to God and I survived. Last year is gone and this year is looking much, much brighter. Currently, I am trying to regain my house, my health, and my life.  I am reorganizing and cleaning out every square inch of our home, trying desperately to going back to taking good care of my body (not succeeding too well yet), and looking to become much more involved in Church.  It has nothing to do with New Years Resolutions or the date on the calendar, but rather there has been resolution in my life and this is when I have time and space to breathe and grow again.  I do hope to post again, but for now, I'm baby stepping my life back on track. I look forward to living, growing, and sharing!

The Woodshed

This morning as I tried to get some extra sleep, my mind began to drift into worries large and small.  I prayed, but still mind kept returning to the little foxes stealing from my peace.  As I slipped into that half awake and half asleep place where fairies dwell, my dad came to visit me....Uh, oh!

My father was always a great and powerful force with which to be reckoned.  He never minced words when it came to those he loved because he knew that too much was at stake for wasted time, and he always seemed to go immediately to the heart of our sin rather than dance around the edges.  For that I miss him and wish I had not hid from him so much, because he loved each of us passionately....we just didn't always see it. 

In my dream state, my father saw me there wallowing in despair, trying to fix the problems of the world and my family in Christ.  He said to me,

"What difference does it make?! I'm talking about YOU and your walk before God.  Get up off your butt and walk with God."   

 My father was always reminding me that it doesn't matter what other people said or thought, my concern was to be my walk with God and to keep my eyes on Him. He had his eyes fixed on eternity and not the here and now.  Our problems and trials seem huge, but they pale in comparison to God and His power.  Are you weighed down with worry?  Keep your eyes heavenward, imagine how small these problems are in light of all eternity.  Get off your duff and walk with God.  Do what is right and what He has called you to do.

The Church in Ruins

The walls of Jerusalem are in ruins.  Who will be strong and with me rebuild?

The state of the Church in America is quickly crumbling.  It is true that it has been morally declining for generations, but today I feel that its very foundations have been shaken because many of  those who are called to shepherd the sheep have themselves become as lost sheep.  In the church today, we are statistically no different from those outside the fold.  We are living as practical atheists, naming the name of Christ and yet serving our base desires.  We have taken on a form of godliness but denied its power.  It is truly a disheartening, frightening, and lonely time for the Christian who desires to serve God, particularly if our eyes are not on Him.  I realize these statements seem vague, but that is intentional as I believe this to a nearly universal situation.  I believe some of the solutions to be somewhat universal as well.

The first thing we need is compassion.  See past your fellow parishioner or pastor's sin and see the pain they must certainly be feeling.  I can tell you honestly, that if a person is a child of God and sinning, they are at war with themselves and with God and are in spiritual and perhaps emotional pain, sometimes to the point of physical pain no matter how hard they try to conceal it.  We must realize as well that it is ONLY the grace of God that keeps us from that self inflicted pain; apart from Christ we are dead.  We must be very careful to not sit in judgment; instead, we need to seek to rebuild.

We must also have courage.  If you  are seeing the state of the Church in America as crumbling, no doubt you feel isolated and have self doubts that plague you.  It is during these times that we need to take our eyes off our situation or fellow Christians and fix them on Christ, listening to His voice.  We are called to follow Christ, not other Christians. These feelings are not new to this age; many prophets and men/women of God felt completely alone in their pursuit of God.  That is one reason I love the Old Testament narratives, because I am encouraged by how God worked through those situations and saw the faithful safely through to the other side.  Know you are not alone; stand with me and rebuild.

We need continuity.  We must remain faithful in a faithless generation.  There must be someone who will stand and point the way so that others might live as well.  It will not be easy though.  Realize you will fall at various times and fall often.  If you find that you have fallen or strayed, no matter how far, fix your eyes on Jesus and run home, run hard.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us our sins.  We must, however, press on in our faith. The only way we can do this is to take our eyes off of ourselves and our circumstances and fix them on the author and finisher of our faith.  He is always faithful.  He never changes.  He is able to do all things.  It is time to rebuild.  Who will stand with me?

Wrestling with God

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. ~Gen. 32:24

Jacob had truly wrestled with God all of his life up until this point, trying force God to give him the life of his own choosing.  It was only when Jacob, physically exhausted and alone in the desert, surrendered to Him that God blessed him and changed his life forever. 

Each of us wrestles with God.  Each of us goes through desert times.  It is my prayer that I be yielded to God and never attempt to squeeze Him into my own neat little box of how things should be.  Watch and pray....