This morning I awoke with feelings of sheer panic and all of my emotions were centered on my job. Since this is not normal for me, I spent some time reflecting on the current position in which I find myself. I have, once again, slipped into savior mode at work and let my obsessiveness reign. I'm not saying that things shouldn't be done correctly, etc. I believe in all things we should strive to perform our duties in a way that brings glory to God, but I'm getting off topic. Let me start at the beginning of our marriage....
When my husband and I were married in 1987 (you do the math), we discussed whether or not I would work outside the home. I knew in my heart that I could only do well one thing at a time, and we decided that one thing would be home & family. I don't need to tell you how the economy has changed or how my husband's income has not kept pace with economy, because most of us have felt it sharply. When our daughter was nearing college age, I went to work to help out my exhausted husband. At first it was just two days a week, and I could easily juggle that. Over time, my hours kept increasing, as did my responsibility level at work. Now, I find myself only doing one thing well and that one thing is work. My home & family have suffered much (as well as my health and nerves). That's not right! For me it is sin. My family and home needs to come before my job.
Am I quitting? No, my husband still needs me to help him and our daughter has a year and a half of school left. What needs to change is my attitude. I need to go back to taking my breaks, leaving on time, and not answering texts and phone calls from co-workers when I am off work except in emergencies. We just finished the first week of January in pharmacy which is typically the busiest week of the year; it did not disappoint. Now, I'm starting this week having to cut three hours out of the next three days to keep from getting in trouble with upper management....and thus, starts my panic. At the end of the day though, I must remind myself that my duty is to be faithful to my job in the allotted time given me (this applies to all areas of life). My duty is not to get it all done or be anyone's savior. Ultimately, that is not where my responsibility lies. I'm sorry that it falls then on the pharmacists and I truly hate it, but if I don't relinquish control, God will not be honored.
And so, I need to refocus my energies on home & family, where I have always believed they should be focused. I will still try to do a "bang up job" at work, but I will leave on time and leave the work there. This is my new year's resolution....hold me to it, people! ....maybe, I'll have energy to get back to blogging then :)